this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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