the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
