I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
