my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
