Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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