I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I believe in your delicious
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
