Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
