I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
