Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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