Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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