Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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