I'm going to rape someone's good day.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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