i don't like sucking hair
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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