Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
