I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
