Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
