i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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