wat bout pragnant strippers??
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
