I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize