My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
