so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
