I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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