We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize