i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
