how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
