i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
