Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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