we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm really busy with my period
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