those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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