take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
