i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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