i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
