Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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