i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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