is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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