I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize