She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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