so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
