I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
