Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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