i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
