My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
