TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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