I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
