He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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