I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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