she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
