Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
