i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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