I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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