His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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