I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
