i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
