her vagine was all disorganized.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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