mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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