Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
