I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
