Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
