dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
