this boner is exhausting
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
