So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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