I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it because I queefed?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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