Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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