sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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