I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
