just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
