You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
