The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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