I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
