her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
