Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
