I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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