$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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