I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
