isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize