i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
