I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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