turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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