Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
