your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize