shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
are you so shy because you have an std?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
