Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
