dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just made my gag reflex go away.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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