I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
