But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
