my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
