You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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