I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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