I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize