If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You took a bar mat shot.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Randomize
