What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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