Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
