He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I love how my cats smell like pot.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
