It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
