finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
