Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
