wanna go halves on a baby?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize