He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
