Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
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