she looked like the before picture.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
