she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
